Dad refuses to force his popular 14-year-old daughter to sit at lunch with her twin sister, who eats alone every day: 'Sara needs to learn to make it on her own and basically not piggyback off Mia.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Dec 4, 2025 8:00 AM EST

She doesn't have to, but wouldn't it be nice if she did? 

It's easy to tell a kid in Elementary school to sit next to the kid who nobody else is sitting with to help make them feel included. Little kids are much more likely to actually take that advice because they are less self-conscious and easier to persuade than high schoolers. Once you're in high school, you're more likely to have the attitude that if someone is sitting alone at lunch, there's probably a good reason for that, and avoid that person accordingly. Whether it's right or not, we're socially conditioned to fear people who don't have any friends. 

While a teenager might not sit next to a stranger at lunch, they might feel as if they should include a lone wolf if they're the child of a family friend, an acquaintance from an extracurricular activity, or a family member. If they have some base-level familiarity with a person and have no reason not to trust them, they should at least consider extending an olive branch to someone they care about who is genuinely struggling. No rule says they have to, but it's the kind thing to do.

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  • Woman in blue and white long sleeved shirt
    via Raphael Nast

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The dad in this story doesn't want to force one of his twin daughters to eat lunch with her sister against her will, even if it hurts her sister's feelings. Their mom disagrees, and he took to the internet to figure out if he said the right thing.

  • Am I the bad guy for not making my twin girls sit together at lunch because I find it unfair to one of them?

    This is about my two girls ( twins) that are in freshman year of high school. I will call them Sara and Mia. During elementary school they were basically always together. Middle school Mia started to feel resentment
    via u/Broad_Range4780
  • about always being with Sara so the school tried to split them up as much as possible. This was hard because the classes were not big. I made it a point to have activities that were just there own.
    via u/Broad_Range4780
  • Mia got really into sport and Sara into theater. This seemed to help and we did more seperating. They got their own birthday parties and not a shared one for example. Mia really thrived with this but Sara did not. It has been a lot harder for Sara to be her own person (Mia was always the dominate twin when they were together)
    via u/Broad_Range4780
  • High school was a big change and for the first time they were completely separate, no shared classes. Sara has been having difficulties and it got worse this past month. The friend group she was hanging out with broke up and she has been sitting alone at lunch.
    via u/Broad_Range4780
  • A large room with tables and chairs
    via Jose Llamas

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Sara asked Mia to sit together with her friend group at lunch and Mia told her no. This resulted in in a big fight between the two. Mia point was these were her friends and Sara need to learn to make her own and basically not piggyback off Mia. Sara point was they were twins and she is sad sitting alone.
    via u/Broad_Range4780
  • I told Sara very gently that Mai doesn't have to sit with her at lunch and encouraged her to keep trying to make friends, and basically put herself back out there
    via u/Broad_Range4780
  • Three teenage girls outdoors on playground hugging
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Sara has been crying since and my ex is giving me an earful. I don't know if I made the right call on this
    via u/Broad_Range4780
  • andromache97 I mostly think you're doing the right thing by standing by Mia's boundaries and letting her be her own person, but depending on how small the school is, this is a little much from Mia: >Sara asked Mia to sit together with her friend group at lunch and Mia told her no. This resulted in in a big fight between the two. Mia point was these were her friends and Sara need to learn to make her own and basically not piggyback off Mia. like....how many students / potential friends for Sara g
    via u/andromache97
  • OP Broad Range4780 Her grade alone has over 200 people. There are like 800-1000 in the school. It was a big change form her last school that had spend 35 people in her class total I sadly can't make friends for her. She is in clubs already
    via u/Broad_Range4780
  • AssistanceDry7123 INFO did her friend group break up or did they kick her out? I would think if it was the former she could sit with one or two of her friends somewhere. If she got kicked out of her friend circle, I'd get her into therapy. That can really wreck a kid. It might also indicate she struggles to socialize. It might just be that her friends were jerks.
    via u/AssistanceDry7123
  • OP Broad Range4780 The friend group broke up becuase of a boy drama In the very short version, cute boy and three girls fought over him. One got with the boy and the other saw it as a betrayal. It exploded She was the newest in the friend group and when it broke up she was left alone
    via u/Broad_Range4780
  • Striking-Flight5956 All these strangers trying to help and give solutions. Then there's you "I sadly can't make friends for her". That says a lot more than you realize. It's like you're purposely being obtuse.
    via u/Striking-Flight5956
  • OP Broad Range4780 I serially don't know what else to do She is in clubs, she is interacting with other people, she already talks to a counselor who basically gave the same advice of put yourself out there
    via u/Broad_Range4780
  • mllebitterness INFO: was the group of friends that broke up made of theater friends? because.. i dunno.. theater kids usually are good at meeting people. or is she behind the scenes theater (that was me) in which case, yeah, it is tough. but she should still have some built-in friendly people related to this extracurricular?
    via u/mllebitterness
  • OP Broad Range4780 It was It fell apart over boy drama
    via u/Broad_Range4780
  • Striking-Flight5956 Girl, read her comment. She pulled the "I sadly can't make friends for her" excuse. Somebody get in contact with the dad for some help, this current trajectory is not looking good at all.
    via u/Striking-Flight5956
  • OP Broad Range4780 I am the dad
    via u/Broad_Range4780
  • NAH coastalkid92 I'm a twin (M/F) and it's very easy to get lumped in with your sibling and not have your own identity beyond "twinning". It is 100% the right call to allow Mia to establish independence and encourage it in Sara. But, I do also think there is something to be said in fostering some kindness and empathy between siblings when they're struggling, especially at an age that's notoriously difficult. Mia doesn't have to let Sara sit with her at lunch, but she probably could've gone and s
    via u/coastalkid92
  • SQ_Madriel I mean, making friends is hard and it takes time. Sara went through a difficult thing, she had a friend group blow up and is now feeling isolated and alone. You can't encourage compassion and support in your other daughter while her sister finds her feet again? There are lessons for both girls here and I think the AH move was not helping both of your children.
    via u/SQ_Madriel
  • ΥΤΑ. BadChemistry While it is true that Mia doesn't have to sit with Sara, cultivating empathy when another person goes through something hard (which Sara is!) is IMPORTANT. It is important to be able to realize that sometimes it isn't about our feelings and our wants all the time, and that being there for others is the ONLY WAY to cultivate others being there for us. Bluntly, you seem to favor Mia over Sara. Would you have this same reaction if it was the other way around? You seem to have this
    via u/BadChemistry
  • Both-Enthusiasm 708 I mean I think I'm gonna go with ESH. They should one hundred percent have different activities, but this seems like a situation that developed through no fault of Sarah. Mia showing her just a little bit of compassion for a short amount of time seems reasonable. So Mia would rather watch her sister sit alone at lunch then let her sit with her friends for a bit or even just forgo a couple days with her friends to sit with her sister? Mia seems a little selfish. Does she want
    via u/Both-Enthusiasm708

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